


The Push and Pull

by SassyArtichoke



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: After TLJ, Angst, Drama, F/M, Force Bond, Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Soulmates, Suppressed Feelings, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The Last Jedi - Freeform, These two need a hug, rey and ben, rey and ben need to talk, they can't stay away from each other for long, tlj - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23785930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyArtichoke/pseuds/SassyArtichoke
Summary: Months after the battle of Crait: Rey has been blocking Ben out every time he tried to contact her, still hurt and angry at him. When she's distracted for one moment, the Force finally reconnects the two. And they have a lot to say to each other. (One-shot)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 29
Kudos: 76
Collections: Reylo Hidden Gems





	The Push and Pull

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave reviews! :)

Rey’s hands clasp her quarterstaff as she thrusts it forward, striking an invisible opponent. She lifts it over her head, twirls it once and rotates her body to bring it down on a tree log with a heavy thud. Her feet barely touch the ground as she twists and twirls this and that way, delivering deadly blows with every move she makes. Her hair sticks to her face, soaked in sweat. It’s hard to breathe in the damp air of the thick forest. Her muscles strain under the exercise and her breath is ragged but she doesn’t stop, doesn’t rest.

Rey has never been the type to sit still. She’s always moving, doing something. Even in her sleep she’s fidgeting, thrashing around as if she is fighting something. Luke trying to make her sit, breathe deeply and calm down had been a struggle. Though she made progress, she didn’t manage to stay in a deep state of meditation for a prolonged time. They were at war and the First Order was on their heels, trying to take revenge. How could anyone stay calm under all that pressure? How could anyone expect her to relax when her enemy chased her across light years, even across time?

She growls and pushes herself off the soft ground, propelling herself upward. In mid-air she strikes out and brings the staff down with a roar, using all her weight. The target splinters under the impact. Rey rolls off to catch her fall. She jumps to her feet, lashing out, every thrust becoming more and more chunky as she continues hacking at trees, bushes and rocks.

She doesn’t want to think about him. Not now. Not ever again. He has betrayed her. Her eyes are wild and she bares her teeth as she slashes at the humid air of the jungle. He has tried to contact her several times since they last saw each other, on Crait, probing gently at her mental defenses. Every time she had pushed him out, slamming down her walls. She was afraid of seeing his face again She hasn’t forgotten the way he had looked at her before she broke off the connection. There was only sadness in his eyes when he looked back, kneeling before her. He almost looked like he was begging her for forgiveness. She doesn’t understand why. She doesn’t want to.

She doesn’t want to talk to him, doesn’t want to hear him, see him, touch him, _feel_ him. She has thought about finding a way to permanently sever the bond. The bond that has grown stronger every time the Force has connected them. But she hasn’t done it. She doesn’t dare to. After all, the Resistance could use any information she could get through her bond eventually. At least that’s what she tells herself. She still doesn’t understand the nature of that mysterious bond. She should have asked Luke when she had the chance.

She curses and swings her staff out in wild motions. Why has the Force even connected them? What was the purpose of getting close to him, seeing how vulnerable he is, how much he hurts? Why did the Force make her care for him, make her build up hope, only to tear them apart in the most brutal way, leaving her even more confused and with a broken heart? Was it to bring peace to the Galaxy? By binding enemies, two powerful Force wielders on opposite sides of a war, forcing them to talk without trying to kill each other?

Well, it hasn’t worked. Instead, it has only led to further destruction of the Resistance, almost obliterating it completely. The war still rages on and he is the new Supreme Leader. It all has been a waste of time.

Rey attacks the trees now, screaming in frustration, wood splintering off everywhere. With every hit she gets angrier. The world blurs in front of her and she blindly batters everything in her reach.

She almost trips over her own feet when she feels a familiar presence, like a faint humming. Then everything turns silent. Out of the corner of her eyes she can see a tall, dark figure appear.

With a snarl, she pirouettes and comes to a sudden halt in front of him. The end of her staff is dangerously close to his throat. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down and her gaze snaps to his face. His eyes flutter slightly, wide open and almost black, his eyebrows raised. He holds his breath, not moving an inch as he stares at her. She briefly senses a thread of fear reaching her through the bond before he blocks it.

She glares back at him, her mouth still twisted into a snarl and she grips her staff tighter. Her heart is racing. She should have prevented him from slipping through her defenses but has been too distracted to notice him in time.

He releases his breath slowly and her eyes involuntarily jump to his mouth. His lips part, slightly puffed and tinged pink, standing out from his pale skin and raven-black hair. She forces her gaze back to his eyes, pushing her staff closer to his throat.

“What do you want, _Kylo Ren_.”, the name feels uncomfortable on her tongue. It sounds _wrong_. Like a lie. But he’s chosen to live that lie now, hasn’t he?

He frowns, pressing his lips together before he speaks. “So you’re back to calling me that.”

The sound of his voice almost makes her forget to answer. She hasn’t heard it for over three months now. The last time they spoke was in the Throne Room, when he offered her his hand. When he asked her to join him. He had _begged_ her. To rule together. To bring a new order to the galaxy. That’s what he’s told her. _Please_. That word, the way his voice broke, the pleading look in his eyes, had almost weakened her resolve. She had almost taken his hand.

His voice is deep and soothing. There is always a certain warmth, a gentleness, when he talks, even when he criticizes her. The careful and almost private way he speaks to her, the softness in his voice, is hard to resist. It has drawn her closer to him, capturing her in its web of intimacy.

Rey juts her chin out. “Well, that’s what you call yourself, isn’t it? You’re the Supreme Leader now.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stands there, his fists clenching and unclenching. His hair doesn’t fall down in waves as neatly as usual. The shadows under his eyes stand out even more than the last time she has seen him. They are almost purple and Rey feels exhausted by just looking at them. _When was the last time you have slept?_

“What do you want?”, she asks again, this time in a softer tone. She lets the staff sink to her side. He nods towards it.

“Still using your staff?”

Rey looks down at the weapon. She knows he’s evading her question. Again. She doesn’t know if she should be disappointed or relieved by the lack of an answer. She purses her lips. “Old habits die hard.”

He hums and looks at her meaningfully. _Let the past die_. That’s what he has told her back on Ahch-To and again on the _Supremacy_. To kill it. He had wanted to erase their entire past and build a new empire. But that doesn’t work, does it? You can’t build something out of nothing.

Ben wanted to get rid of his past for good. But he failed. She can see it in his eyes. He’s still haunted by what he’s done, by what has been done to him. She remembers the way he stood in front of Snoke’s corpse. The panic in his eyes, the breathlessness, the tremor in his voice. He had killed his master but he couldn’t erase his influence, the traces he has left after a lifetime of manipulation and torture. Rey focuses her attention back to him. His eyes are still fixed on her. And apparently, he hasn’t been able to let go of _her_ either.

“It’s a good weapon.”, she says and hangs the sling over her shoulder.

“The lightsaber is still broken?”

She notices that he doesn’t say ‘ _my_ lightsaber’. She smirks and stretches her arm out to call it to her. The lightsaber hums as she ignites its blue light. Ben’s eyebrows jump up.

“You have managed to repair it. I’m impressed.”, his words are meant to be light, teasing, but a shadow flits over his face then and Rey looks away. A lump forms in her throat as she stares at the humming blade. _Don’t do this, Ben. Please don’t go this way. Join me. Please_. And then the desperate fight for the lightsaber. No. That wasn’t it. She knows that it wasn’t the ancient weapon they were fighting over.

Something rips at her heart and she extinguishes the weapon. She strokes the hilt softly before clipping it to her belt. “I had a lot of time...”, she murmurs dejectedly, “The Resistance still deems me too valuable to do anything that isn’t directly linked to the Jedi or the Force in general.”

She narrows her eyes at him and shakes her head. “You’re probably much busier, now that you’re ruling the entire Galaxy.”

She doesn’t even try to keep the venom out of her voice. He shifts his stand and she can see that he’s biting back a retort. Instead, he gestures to her and then back to him.

“Why is the Force still connecting us?”

“I don’t care.”, she says and crosses her arms.

“You do.”

Rey throws her hands in the air. “Well because I don’t want it! I don’t want this bond or whatever this is. I want no part in this! I _hate_ it.”

He winces and averts his gaze, pressing his lips together. He blinks and moves his jaw, furrowing his brow. The silence between them stretches and Rey begins to wonder what’s going on in his head. She can’t see his expression now, which makes it difficult to guess. Then his eyes snap back and he looks at her, searching her face. She can feel him delicately reaching out to her through the Force. The soft tendrils of his consciousness are deflected from the thick wall she’s created in her mind. His shoulders slump and this time, his sigh sounds pained.

“How are you, Rey?”

Her lightsaber hisses as she ignites it and Ben stumbles back when she swings it at him.

“You nearly kill the rest of the Resistance and you ask me _how I am_?”, she screams at him and he has to dodge her wild attacks, “Do you really want to know how I am? I’m _miserable_! I hate you, Ben!”, he stumbles over a log and hits the ground with a dull thud. “I hate you, I hate you, I _hate_ you!”, she stops her blade mere inches from his face.

He gapes at her. His chest goes up and down rapidly and he tries to catch his breath. A flicker of fear crosses his eyes, throwing her back to their fight in the forest of Starkiller Base, when she had slashed his face open. His expression is quickly replaced by sadness as he lets the meaning of her words sink in.

Rey is too angry to regret her words, too angry to take them back, too angry to speak. She extinguishes the lightsaber, turns around and stomps away so she doesn’t have to see his face. These expressive eyes of his, that can’t hide anything, reveal too much. She doesn’t have to look into his mind to see what he’s feeling. She grits her teeth painfully and tries to suppress the tears welling up.

For the first time, she wishes he would put on his damned mask. So she doesn’t have to see how much he’s hurting, how human he is. So she can hate him. Because hating him is much easier, much less complicated. Hating him wouldn’t hurt so much.

She quickens her steps when she hears him stand up and follow her. The leaves crunch under his heavy steps.

“Rey.”

She continues walking, despite knowing that he will easily catch up to her with his long strides. She doesn’t want to talk to him but running would seem ridiculous. She hopes he gets the hint.

“Rey, talk to me.”

Apparently he doesn’t.

“ _Please_.”

Rey stops in her tracks, her heart pounding against her chest. She curses herself mentally and resists the urge to turn around. Does he know how much that word affects her? What it’s doing to her? _Please_. When did she allow him to get so close to her?

“Rey, I-”

She flinches away from him, startled by his sudden nearness. “Get away from me.”, she whispers. She hears him take in a breath but he doesn’t try to approach her again.

“Rey...”

She spins around and hurls the word at him. “ _Why_? ”, she breathes fast and hard, “Why did you have to ruin it? Why did you have to betray me?”, he doesn’t move, his eyes locked on her. “You are a _liar_!”

“I didn’t lie to you!”, he spits and moves forward, eyes blazing, “I _never_ lied to you!”

“I trusted you!”

“And I trusted you! You said you would help me.”

She takes a few steps away from him, shaking her head. “I said I would help you against Snoke!”, she looks at him. “I said I would help you _turn_ -”

“And then what? Come back with you?”

“I should have known.”, her smile is bitter, then it fades and her chin begins to tremble. “I should have known you were never on my side.”

“Did you think it would be so simple?”, he snaps and throws her a dark look. Then he gives a laugh and looks to the side, brushing a hand through his hair, “Did you expect me to just return to the Resistance like nothing happened?”

Rey would roll her eyes, if she wasn’t so upset. “No.”, he opens his mouth but she doesn’t let him speak, “No, but maybe they would have accepted you. They would have eventually, if you supported us and turned against the First Order!”

“I can’t simply leave the First Order behind, leave it to itself and wait until it turns against me! Don’t be so naive, Rey!”

“ _You_ are the one being naive, expecting me to leave the Resistance, betray my _friends_ and Luke-”

“The Resistance is a lost cause.”, he sneers, “The Jedi are outdated. The whole galaxy would be better off, if we erased it all.”

“You can’t just go and destroy everything, Ben!”, she begins to pace, gesticulating wildly, “You can’t just erase it, running away from yourself and deny your past.”, then she stops to stare at him. “You yourself told me to accept the truth, no matter how hard it is!”

Her parents were nobodies. It still hurts to know that they have thrown her away like that, left her to die in the harsh and merciless sands of Jakku. Ben watches her carefully.

“I see, you’re still struggling with your past.”, he says, his voice gentle and she averts her gaze, “You’re still hurting.”

“So are you.”, she says and looks back at him. “I can see it in your eyes, I can see it on your body, in the way you carry yourself, the way you speak.”, she takes a few steps towards him and he follows her with his eyes, focused completely on her now. “I don’t need the bond to see right through you.”, she stops when she’s only a step away, looking up at him. Her voice is quiet and gentle when she speaks. “I _know_ you, Ben.”

Ben looks down at her, completely still. He holds his breath as her eyes wander over his face. Rey forgets to speak for a moment. His deep brown eyes are fixed on hers, intense and soft at the same time. They captivate her every time she gazes at them for longer than she should. A certain sadness lingers in them and it never really leaves. She wants to reach out and take it away, soothe him.

He looks lost. Her chest aches when she remembers the day he killed Snoke. The way he stood in front of his split corpse, his eyes unfocused and panicked. She had never seen him so helpless and lost before. Would he have gone with her, if she were there for him? Would he have come back, If she caught him, anchored him when he was starting to slip away?

“You’re afraid.”, she says and Ben’s thrown back into the interrogation chamber, where she had been strapped to the table in front of him. When she turned his mind probing against him. _That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader_. He shudders but forces himself to hold her gaze. “I know how torn you are, how you torture yourself.”, there’s pain in her voice and Ben closes his eyes, turning his face away.

“ _Ben_.”

“No.”, he stumbles away from her, feeling cold but relieved for the distance between them. “You don’t really know me.”

“Yes, I do.”

He shakes his head vehemently and turns to her, his eyes dark. “You keep thinking you can save me, whatever that means. You want to _fix_ me, like the scavenger you once were.”, he speaks the word with fondness now, Rey notices, not with disdain like he did when he interrogated her. His expression hardens. “I can’t ever return to what was. I can’t return to the Resistance, I can’t come with you, Rey.”

Her throat tightens and she swallows. She shakes her head. “Don’t speak as if there’s no hope – you can still return, Ben. I know there’s so much _light_ in you – “

“I hurt people, Rey. I kill, I destroy. It’s what I’m good at. I belong to the Dark side.”, he looks at her pleadingly. “It’s all I have.”

Tears well up in her eyes. “That’s not true...”, she nearly whispers, not trusting her voice. _You have me_.

“It is.”, he says, then nods to her, “Do your friends know?”

Rey stares at him, blinking away tears. “What?”

“Do your friends know? About us?”

“I...they...”, she falters. “No.”

“Do they know anything at all? About what happened?”, he presses on and Rey looks down at her feet, shaking her head slowly.

“They think, _I_ killed Snoke.”

“Of course they do.”, his voice is flat and Rey looks up, eying him.

He stands there, his arms crossed and a knowing look in his eyes. She wants to smack it away from his face. She glares at him.

“I’m not the one who started this rumor.”

He smirks. “No, of course you didn’t. I did. I couldn’t afford them knowing.”, he gestures to her. “And lets face it: I did you a favor.”

“ _How_?”

“You’re their _hero_ now. They respect you. You are their new hope, the Jedi who will defeat the First Order and its sinister leader, Kylo Ren.”

Rey crosses her arms, shooting him a nasty look. “Where are you going with this, Ben?”

He huffs. “The fact that you haven’t told any of your friends about what happened between us, makes it perfectly clear why I could never return, even if I wanted to.”

Rey closes her eyes and frowns, feeling a dull ache in her head. She lowers her head and massages her temples.

“Ben...”

“Are you _ashamed_ of it?”, the barely concealed hurt in his words makes her head snap up. She can practically read the unspoken question in his face. _Are you ashamed of me?_

“That’s not-”, her throat tightens and she takes in a short breath, “No, I’m not.”

His eyes jump to her, then he lowers them again and furrows his brows. “Stop pretending. It doesn’t suit you.”

Rey freezes. How could he believe such a thing? After everything she’s told him? A great tremor overtakes her and she hugs herself. Is the idea of someone caring for him so absurd to him? Her chest hurts and she presses her hand against it, curling her fingers. She tries to speak but nothing comes out. She stands there for a moment, just staring at the man in front of her, this man who could be proud and intimidating in one moment, defeated and broken in the next.

It takes her a while to respond. “Don’t tell me you really think that.”, she whispers. Ben continues to look at his feet and chews on his lower lip, his shoulders tense. Her eyes well up with tears. She approaches him tentatively, her attention fixed on him, not even bothering to stop the tears falling down on her cheeks. “Ben, look at me.”

He ignores her, his raven hair falling forward and covering his face like a curtain. She stops just in front of him and raises a trembling hand to push away his hair. It feels like silk, even softer than she had imagined as it flows through her fingers. When she reaches for his face, he jerks his head to the side but doesn’t move away from her. Rey bites her lips and takes a deep breath before she touches his hand. Ben inhales sharply and she can feel his hand quiver, so she closes her fingers gently but firmly around his. It feels warm and soft against her skin. She leans in close to him.

“Look at me, Ben.”, she breathes, “ _Please_.”

He ever so slowly turns his head to her, then lifts it. His dark eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks back and forth between both of her eyes. She squeezes his hand.

“I...”, she begins and swallows, “You are loved. You are so _loved_ , Ben. Your father...”, her voice breaks a little and more tears run down her cheeks, “Your father went out on that bridge, knowing full well that he could die, to save his son.”

His chin begins to tremble and he tries to pull away from her but she tightens her hold, refusing to break the contact. “You know it. And your mother too...I see the look in her eyes when we talk about you, the-”

“You talk about me?”, his voice is so quiet that she would have missed it if she wasn’t so close to him.

A small chuckle escapes her lips despite herself. “Yes, Ben. We talk about you.”

The corner of his lips twitches as he tries to suppress a smile. Then he blinks and wipes over his eyes with the back of his hand, shaking his head.

“I don’t know if the thought of you and my mother talking about me all the time should be comforting or not.”, his voice still sounds a bit cracked from crying but Rey can hear the humor in it. She dries her face with a piece of her clothes and rolls her eyes.

“We don’t talk about you _all the time_ , Ben, get over yourself.”, she laughs and rubs his arm, “It’s not like we don’t have things to do.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I thought you said, you were not busy.”

She punches his shoulder and he skips away from her with an “Ouch!”. He rubs the spot in exaggerated pain.

“No need to get violent just because I’m right.”

“Karking idiot!”, she grins and shakes her head, “It’s not _that_ bad. I’m quite busy, I could just use some change in my routine.”

“Good thing that I’m here then.”, he jokes and Rey chuckles lightly, eying him. Despite wearing his usual dark layers of thick fabric, Ben looks more relaxed now, his hands hanging unclenched on his sides, a coy smile on his face. He looks so _normal_. Like he could belong to the Resistance, become friends with Finn, Rose or Poe. Eat with them in the canteen, train with her. Fight by her side.

He had fought by her side then. Back to back. After he had killed Snoke. Rey still remembers the moment vividly just before the Praetorian Guards attacked them. Their eyes locked and for a moment, they just stood there, staring at each other before the red, deadly storm broke loose over them. She can still recall how scared she was but at the same time, she felt so powerful and secure, knowing that Ben was right behind her. It had thrilled her, that feeling of teaming up, the perfect synchrony of their fighting, the Force flowing through both of them.

And then they had both been caught in a lock of the two last guards. She freed herself and threw her lightsaber to Ben, who had been unarmed. She can’t forget the way he looked at her when the guard collapsed behind him and he rose, flinging the weapon to the ground. The fire in his gaze, his eyes burning into her, not because of anger but because of something else. Rey shivers at the memory. She wonders what would have happened, if she hadn’t been distracted by the continuing destruction of the Resistance’s fleet.

The overwhelming joy she had felt when they looked at each other, both breathing heavily from the fight, vanished into nothing the moment she realized he wouldn’t order the First Order to stop firing on them. When she realized he wouldn’t join her. Something tears at her heart and she swallows. Ben, who has noticed her smile fading from her lips, stiffens. The light in his eyes disappears and he frowns.

“What is it, Rey?”

“Why did the Force deceive us?”, she breathes, staring at him, an almost pleading look in her eyes. He looks back at her, his face turning into an expressionless mask.

“It didn’t. We just saw what we wanted to see.”, he says as if stating a fact, his voice monotone and hollow. Rey hates the way he talks. As if he is her teacher, as if he is wiser than her, has known it all along. As if it doesn’t affect him. She grits her teeth.

“It was stupid.”, she says, looking at a point next to his shoulder. “I should have known that I’d leave without you.”, she blinks some moisture from her eyes, the corners of her mouth turning down, and her gaze flickers back to him. “Was it really so reckless to try and help you? Was it a hopeless case from the beginning?”, her voice is thick with tears and she sniffs, “Was it obvious to everyone but me?”

 _You opened yourself to the Dark Side for a pair of pretty eyes!,_ Luke had said after he blew up her hut when he caught her and Ben touching hands. _This is not going to go the way you think_. And he was right. She hates that he was right. She had been so naive. She thought she knew everything about Ben before she went to meet him on the _Supremacy_. She thought she could save him. Her dreams seemed to come true when he killed his master. But she _hasn’t_ fully understood Ben. He isn’t the fully converted man she thought he was.

Rey averts her face and swipes at her cheeks angrily but the tears come anyway. She curses and then glares at Ben, who’s expression still hasn’t changed.

“What was I thinking? I’m so ashamed, it makes me cry.”

A muscle under his eye twitches and the skin around his eyes tenses almost imperceptibly. His voice remains cold when he speaks.

“So you _are_ ashamed of me.” Rey doesn’t answer and he clenches his fists. “Am I the black stain that you need to hide? Am I ruining your perfect life? Is that why you don’t tell anyone?”

Rey flinches from his spiking anger but then, her own rage rises and surpasses his.

“You don’t get it! You don’t want to understand, do you?”, she seethes and Ben gapes at her. “Don’t you know how hard it is for me? How hard it is to keep this secret?”, she points a finger at him, her hand shaking, “You have no idea how it is to have _friends_...who look after you, who _trust_ you-”

“But you can’t trust them with that information?”, he retorts and Rey’s outstretched hand clenches into a claw.

“I never had any friends before!”, she hisses, “And I’m not prepared to give them up so easily! I won’t risk it! Not now, not for you!”

She can see that it hurts him but he’s trying to hurt her too, trying to make her feel guilty.

“I’m _not_ ashamed of you. I’m just _scared_. My friends, they wouldn’t understand. They hate you, Ben!”, she lets her hand sink to the side and huffs. “And can you blame them?”

“If I hadn’t spared the traitor’s life, all this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Don’t you _dare_ call him a traitor.”, her voice is dangerously low and her eyes are blazing. “ _Finn_ is my friend. My best friend.”

“If I had executed _Finn_ for disobeying my order, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”, his voice drips with bitterness, “I wouldn’t be here to argue with you about it.”

“Do you regret meeting me? Do you regret everything that’s happened between us?”, her voice cracks at the last words. She opens her mouth to continue but finds that her breath catches in her throat. The rage she has felt just moments ago has evaporated like smoke. Her entire face crumples and she lets herself sink to the floor as gut-wrenching sobs tear through her chest.

“It hurts...”, she gasps and covers her eyes with trembling hands, “Every single day it hurts. More and more.”

Ben is by her side immediately, his hands fluttering above her head and her shoulders, not sure what to do. Guilt-ridden and anxious, his eyes jump over her hidden face. Rey’s shoulders shake with every sob.

“I feel so alone.”, she chokes on the air that has become too thick to swallow. She tries to muffle her sobs in her hands, already wet with tears.

A warm hand touches her back and Rey tenses. Then Ben moves his hand in soothing circles, loosening the tension in her shoulders and back.

“You’re not alone.”

Rey releases a long breath and rubs her eyes, trying to focus on Ben stroking her back. The last time he had said that to her seemed ages ago. Then, it all had felt so much simpler. There was so much _hope_. Her head rests heavily on her hands and she breathes in deep gulps of air, trying to calm down. She feels so, so tired. She sniffles and waits until the tightness in her throat subsides. Then she slowly raises her head and looks at Ben, who’s watching her carefully, a deep line between his brows.

“But I am so _lonely_ , Ben.”, she croaks, her eyes sore and her whole skin blotchy. “Everyone thinks you’re a monster.”

“They are right.”, he murmurs, almost inaudibly.

“But you are not. I know that you’re not.”, her eyes dance over the scar, splitting his cheek in two. She had slashed his face because he hadn’t turned out to be the monster she thought he was when he took off his mask. She wanted to make his face reflect the darkness in him as it should. But even the scar couldn’t erase the humanity in him. The light in him. She tentatively reaches for his cheek, as if trying to win the trust of a scared animal. This time, he doesn’t shrink back.

Ben doesn’t dare to move while she traces the long scar with the tips of her fingers. The thin line, still colored in an angry pink, feels firm and hard. Some of her fingers touch the soft and smooth skin around it and Rey doesn’t want to stop stroking it. It’s the first time that she touches his face. She doesn’t dare to breathe lest she scares him off. His brown eyes stare back at her, frowning slightly in confusion. She wants to smoothen that line between his eyebrows.

“Does it still hurt?”, she whispers and traces the line back down his cheek.

Ben closes his eyes and she can feel him shaking his head slightly. “No. Not anymore.”

“I should be sorry for doing this but I’m not.”, she says without malice and he opens his eyes to search her face. The skin under her hand moves a bit as a tiny smile steals its way on his lips. The line between his brows disappears.

“I know, I deserved it.”

Rey knows this but she can’t help but wonder how a man like him, capable of so much gentleness, of such intense emotions, could turn into a black-cladded creature, hiding his expressive eyes from the world. How could a man with eyes so innocent and full of sorrow lead an entire ruthless army, made to control the galaxy and destroy those that wouldn’t bow under them? This can’t be what he was destined to do, can it?

She feels something wet on her cheek. Ben lifts his hand to her face and wipes away a stray tear with his thumb. He keeps his palm on her cheek and his eyes soften. His hand on her skin is so warm and gentle and Rey feels herself relax into it.

They just sit there, on the forest floor, surrounded by trees growing high into the sky, enjoying each other’s company. The Supreme Leader and the Jedi. Their hands linger on each other’s skin, holding each other with a gentleness that they are forbidden to show. As if they were not at war with one another, as if they didn’t care that they are supposed to fight each other.

The breaking of twigs makes them start and they jump apart like two lovers just caught in the act, their heads whipping into the same direction.

“Rey?”, a voice calls, not far from them and they stare at each other, eyes wide. “Rey, where are you?”

“Finn!”, Rey whispers, her voice panicked. Ben nods and takes her hand into his. He squeezes it gently and gives her one last look.

“I will see you again.”

He begins to fade away from her sight and she squeezes him back.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope, you enjoyed this one-shot! 
> 
> I would love some reviews if you have the time! :)


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